Thursday, September 1, 2016

The fear of September 8th.

Andrew and I have set the fast date.  We will be fasting on September 8th, the day before my next CT scan.  That scan is scheduled so that we can measure how quickly the cancer is spreading.  In theory, this will allow us more information on how long I have had it and a possible estimate on how long I have here on earth. Theoretically.  However, if God will perform a miracle then there will be no cancer to measure or it will at least have shrunk, and I will sing praises to the high heavens.

I am having short moments of fear.  There are all the 'what if's'.
What if all of you have spent so much time and effort fasting and praying and the answer is no. I certainly don't want to have discouraged anyone.  I have joked that people have been so nice to me that I am not telling anyone if I am healed. I would not truly want to do that. I also don't want to feel like I need to tell people I feel better if I don't.
I fear what my own reaction will be if it is a no. I am concerned that I will be deflated or depressed at that.
We are traveling to Sierra Leone soon and I am so excited to see our African children.  I am also terrified.  The last time I left it was crushing to me in a way that I felt like I might not make it through that time. I don't want to have to leave them again-especially now with this extra burden.

I have been given so much peace in this situation so far and I am so thankful for that.  My prayer right now is that God will grant me that peace even after this scan, even if it shows growth instead of shrinkage of my dumb old liver cancer.

There has been such an outpouring of love towards our family and it has been so encouraging!  I tell you the truth that this experience would not be as endurable without all of you. Thank you to all of you who have stood with me in prayer and fasting and are lined up to do it again on September 8th.  I will be praying through the day for every one of you as well, thanking God for the provision of great friends and asking that he bless you 10 fold for your service to me.

Please watch this sweet video of my Sierra Leonian family praying and singing to God on my behalf(led by Pastor Daniel). Katie Milazzo I cannot thank you enough for sending this to me!


  1. Joining your prayer and fast. Thank you for being so real.

  2. Your brother Bret told me of your plight yesterday via e-mail. My heart is burdened for you and we have been praying and consider it a privilege to join with others to also fast on Thursday. I had an aggressive cancer and the Lord delivered me. We shouldn't be surprised when this happens but truthfully, I was ready to make the step into eternity. How glorious it will be! When my doctors were not able to explain my deliverance I was able to praise the Lord and give Him glory. At the same time, a close friend of mine who also was a believer died with cancer. I struggle with that but know as Paul said that "absent with the body is to be present with the Lord". Why did he heal me and not my friend? I can only say that His ways are higher than our ways and whether in life or death we give Him the glory.
    During my 1 year episode, I emphasized with others that we all pass away from planet earth and our journey is marked by variety. But the destination is the same. My friend is where I long to be and, again, I have to remind myself that His ways are higher however varied our journey is. Our citizenship...belongs to a different kingdom.
    I pray continued peace for you that surpasses all understanding regardless of circumstances. But I pray also that the Lord will heal your body. The Psalms that I clung to was 30 and especially v9. Furthermore, remember that "joy comes with the morning"(v5b).

    Peace dear sister.
    Sandy Rhodes-Little Rock

  3. Heather, Mike and I are praying and fasting for you today. May God give you an extra measure of strength and faith and hope as we wait for His answer. He is good and you are a beautiful soul. Your life is bringing Him much glory. Our hearts are with you.

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