Tuesday, August 27, 2013

About my marriage to Andrew

This is a photo of Andrew and me in 2001.
We lived at one of our universities' satellite locations in Florence, Italy and this was one of his attempts at pursuing me.  I don't remember who was taking this photo because I was too busy trying to figure out what it was going to take to get him to go away.  I knew good and well he really liked someone else back home and I wasn't about to be the 'other' girl.  I did, however, give in once and go to a little grocery store in Scandicci with him.  He bought me a Ritter bar that was delicious.  Four years later I was signing papers and promising my life.  I have a chocolate Achilles heal I guess. 
Actually, when the semester was over we almost never saw each other for two years and then kind of out of nowhere he resurfaced back and stronger than ever.  The pursuit began again and I just wasn't prepared for the strength and tenacity which was Andrew Sisco.  Those very strengths it took to gain his wife would be exactly the ones it would take to keep his wife.  I am not the easiest person to live with.  I am really quite difficult.  You may not know that I am one of those people that has a certain way that they like to do things and only that way will do.  But I am, and that is annoying for others.  You may not know that I like it to be 80 degrees fahrenheit at all times and that Andrew likes for it to be 60 or that I am quite the talkative night owl and Andrew is a singing morning person.  We almost got in a fist fight the first time he woke me up by singing in my face.  We really did get in miniature fights the many times in the first year that he jumped out at me from some hidden location.  I am not a runner/shrinker so I am by default a striker/fighter.  You can only be one or the other.  He would jump out and I would shout and strike.  Then there would have to be a few extra blows, once I realized it wasn't the latest Memphian burglar, to let him know not to do it again.  He'd laugh and go find his next assault location.  There have been many a messed up dinner as I learned to cook.  He was patient with that.  There have been many a time when I have glance over at a certain socket/wrench set that has NEVER been opened that Andrew swore he needed but I was patient with that (He will scoff at that comment but he uses the term 'nagging' to loosely).  Really though he is so super patient and that has certainly served him will in dealing with me.  Marriage is just so hard.  You have to be forgiving of so many things.  You have to overlook the daily irritations and upsets as well as the sky high expectations that you start to realize won't be met.  You have to learn that love is not a feeling but an action. The fact that he is kind and calm when I am not gives me reason to be thankful for him.  I am learning to curb what is an unfortunate temperament.  I have, on several occasions, referenced Johnny Depp's interpretation of the mad hatter in the movie Alice in Wonderand when describing my own little freak outs.  I know that all wives of the world will be shocked but as wonderful as he is, I find some of Andrew's ways difficult to handle with a kind, respectful tone. I am coming to believe that God may give you not what is easy but instead what you need to refine you.  Andrew does that for me and I mean that in the best of ways.  

We have had many an adventure together.  

He makes me laugh all the time. It's one of my favorite qualities about him- unless it happens to be in the middle of an argument.  That happened two weeks ago and I threw a loaf of bread. 

He was right there by my side dry heaving and grinning ear to ear at the birth of our first child.  And again with our second(which means even more since he knew what he was getting into). 

We have relocated cities and we have moved to the African continent.  

We have attempted to adopt 3 more children. 

I have seen him go without lights and water for weeks.  I have seen his response to starving people. I have seen him deal with people whom we have never met before at our gate asking that we take their children because they cannot afford them while the child looks on wondering about their fate.  Of our personalities he is the slow and steady type and I am the flash-decision dominate type.  Sometimes people mistakenly think that men have to be dominate type A personalities to lead a family well.  But make no mistake that I respect who he is.  Even when I give him the hardest of times I really do appreciate his wisdom and slowness to action.  He is well thought out.  More importantly he loves people.  

When our plumber found out we were moving he just kept saying over and over to Andrew, "oh Mr. Andrew, I am gonna miss you, I am going to miss you."  and then he followed it up with a question and an answer, "You know why?  Because you love mortal man.  And I am going to miss you!"
When the subject of Andrew came up recently one of the teachers at the center immediately commented, "Oh he loves people.  He loves the kids and all mortal man."  I agreed. 
I have heard it several times from several people.  He is a gentle person.  But make no mistake that that means weak.  He has a plethora of strength and endurance.  I have only seen him get angry 3 times ever.  Two of the three times it has been at injustices to those in need.  I would not have wanted to be in his way on those occasions.   
He is probably still going to hang his sweaty shirts on the closet door even though he has agreed not to.  He will probably leave one of the measuring spoons in the red pepper dish and I will probably know to look there now.  He is likely to keep on smiling in my face and call me sleepyhead first thing in the morning.  It is likely to still make me mad.  It is unlikely that he will ever empty his pocket before putting his pants in the wash and his hearing is never going to get better so long as I use certain tones. But he also makes me egg sandwiches, complements me regularly, fills the generator with gas before he leaves every morning, chauffeurs me around where ever I need to go, reminds me to drink water, and supports our family. 
I walked down the aisle to a song Josh Groban and Charlotte Church sing so beautifully called 'The Prayer' and it still applies;
I pray you'll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don't know

Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your Grace
To a place where we'll be safe
La luce che tu dai

I pray we'll find your light
Nel cuore restera
And hold it in our hearts
A ricordarci che
When stars go out each night
L'eterna stella sei
Nella mia preghiera
Let this be our prayer
Quanta fede c'e
When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace 

Give us faith so we'll be safe. 
Sogniamo un mondo senza piu violenza 

Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza
Ognuno dia la mano al suo vicino
Simbolo di pace e di fraternita

La forza che ci dai
We ask that life be kind
E'il desiderio che
And watch us from above
Ognuno trovi amore
We hope each soul will find
Intorno e dentro a se
Another soul to love

Let this be our prayer
Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Just like every child

Needs to find a place,
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

 Mr. Sisco, I am dedicating this blog to you to say publicly(which I am usually very much NOT apt to do) that I appreciate you pursuing me then and now, I like living this life with you most of the time, I respect your leadership of our family, and I love your heart for people and God.  While it may take all the strength I've got, I will do my best to follow you to the ends of the earth, so long as you choose to lead me Sir.  I hope that when I am 80+ I get to sit on my front porch somewhere and eat a Ritter bar with you.

1 comment:

  1. YOU!!!!! Stubborn and headstrong! NO WAY!!!!
    I am happy for you that you found a kind, loving, God fearing man to spend your life with! I hope you have a many more days of laughter, and wonderful memories to look back on. Love you both so much Mom