A post from Andrew

A week ago we were at a friends house and Andrew shared this.  I thought it was great so I asked him to post it.  From Andrew:

I get asked fairly often how I am doing with everything. Whenever I am proposed that question, I typically have an internal battle, do I just say "fine" and hope that I don't have to go into it again? or do I tell the truth? How much do I share? Does the person asking me want to get into the guts of it, or is this a mere formality? I decided to share something twice now that gave me some clarity into understanding how I am processing this whole cancer thing. I reluctantly shared it because it opens the door to my inner nerd, and I have to keep up my manly persona. Both recipients to my babbling seemed to have a chord struck and asked me to share that on the blog. I am not sure how to put all the thoughts together without rambling and wasn't sure the actual point I wanted to convey so I am just typing and praying that God will use these word to bring clarity.

The answer to the overall question of "How are you doing?" is simple, I am really fine. It is the usual follow up question that is hard to answer. "How are you fine? Hmmmm. Saying that God has given me peace sounds lame and people are probably thinking, "He is just saying what he needs to say or thinking what he needs to think to not just fall apart in a blubbering mess". I could see this on some people's faces so I wanted to drive the point home one night and decided to jump into a reference point that is obviously the most likely source...Eragon. You know, the books about the dragons and their riders, duh!

In Eragon there are different races of people, some human, some elf, some dragon, some werecats, etc. They speak their own tribal languages to communicate every day, but a select few can speak the ancient language. The ancient language is powerful and can allow a person to perform magic like moving rocks, healing wounds, adding protective wards (of course)(I am squirming writing this because of the excessive dorkiness that is spilling out right now)etc. As the series progresses you learn about an even deeper language wherein you learn the True Names of people or things. Once someone has learned the true name of an item that person has absolute control over that person/object. The quest continues with Eragon trying to learn his true name and the true name of his enemy. Sooo you have English as his common language, magic as a special language, and a deeper vein of power found in the true names of things.

What makes sense to me in understanding this whole "peace" thing, and really God's historical/present workings in this world, is to realize that God speaks, moves, and operates in a deeper language that is hard for me to understand. It is deeper than my understanding, most times. During times like now God lets me experience/taste/drink/ this deeper pool of language. I like what I taste and find my soul wanting more.

There is a verse that says that when we pray to the Father the Holy Spirit intercedes for us in words that we cannot express. I have never thought too much about this verse other than to picture the Holy Spirit coloring my greyscale prayers with better adjectives or telling the Father what I REALLY meant to say to avoid me some kind embarrassment. Maybe what he is doing is translating my thoughts in the common language to the deeper "soul level" language of the Father.

Maybe this deeper language is why his timing is hard to understand, or why his ways are so opposite to this world, or why the yoke he offers can feel like the greatest relief in the world.

A friend of mine was struggling to believe in Christ and the reality of the things I believe. He asked me, "What is so convincing enough that you would move your family to Sierra Leone just to share Christ with people?"Why do you believe?" I could have gone in a direction talking about archaeological evidence and the inerrancy of scripture, but I decided to just be open with what had a greater impact on me personally. The "secondary" stuff helps for sure, but what gives me the greatest assurance of God's presence is this deeper language that nothing but my inmost being seems to understand. Maybe that is because I am created by one who speaks this deeper language and he gave me a soul that speaks it. I told him that the reason I believe is because I have seen the darkness. Due to these repeated glimpses into the most horrific, evil darkness that causes people to do things to other people that should NEVER happen, I was truly able to see the Light. I was able to see people loving the unlovable, forgiving the unforgivable, carrying a peace beyond their circumstances. My friend's response was..."elaborate". OK, I have seen people choose to do things that don't make sense if they were acting upon their own power. Humans are by nature selfish and self-preserving. The things I have seen are things that people don't just choose to do of their own accord. There must be something deeper driving this.

I have been "out given" by an orphan who has nothing, I have seen a man crawl out of the depths of poverty who possesses an unquenchable drive to bless others with ANYTHING extra he is given, I have seen people forgive their abuser, I have seen people choose to go against the flow of society and love the cast-off, I have seen people give up their food to pray for my daughter's healing, I have seen my wife shine in the darkness. This is absolute non-sense without a deeper force at work. People don't just "choose" to do this, just like I didn't just "choose" to have peace with my wife's diagnosis. Satan continues to try to use darkness, disease, and evil to steal, kill, and destroy, and God continues to work within this to give people a taste of a better way, a better path, a deeper soul-level language.

Witnessing these things, along with this terrible journey into the realm of cancer, are times when God has opened the door, just a crack, and allowed me to experience the plane of language in which He operates on a daily basis. Where peace can be truly peace that passes understanding, where my greatest prayer for this time is for people to experience communion with the Father as they intercede for my wife, where someone with terminal cancer can spend her days glorifying the Father instead of saying woe is me. It is non-sense, but it makes so much sense to me deep down. The soul language, the deep language, is what makes blind men see, it is what gives Heather an intoxicating presence that makes thousands read her blog, it helps you love the unlovable, it gives you communion with the Father. Just like Eragon, I want to know more of it.

Do I get scared...absolutely, do I ever cry... occasionally. But, "How am I doing, really? Fine...I have a lot of peace."

"Come to me, all who are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

The liver vs. the heart

I have been in quite the whirlwind the last few weeks.  It is such a strange thing to go from riding bikes and canoeing with your kids in what you consider a healthy state to a terminal diagnosis.
I did want to relay that I am feeling well.  I am not in pain anymore because I think I healed from the damage I apparently did to myself canoeing.  Also, my doctors visits are fewer these days so most things have gone back to somewhat normal.  My only issue now is the exhaustion and nausea.  That is manageable.

I have been thinking about so many things. Something that has struck me deeply is how amazing it is that so many people have been so kind.  You are all fooled!  I really am such a dud because I don't think I would have thought of half the things people have done for me if the situation was reversed.
We have received hundreds of Facebook messages, texts, and letters.  We have received gift cards to restaurants, people are mowing our yard, today a deep freezer was delivered. It was paid for by donations one church group took up so that we could hold all the meals people are bringing.  We came home one day this week to boxes of school supplies a friend purchased.  Plane tickets to clinics for second opinions have been offered.  Family trips have been offered. I have now lost count of how many people are praying AND fasting for me.

Seriously, we could never have expected these things! You are all so so generous!  You are all so so encouraging and kind!   I have been so floored by this!   Also, I am overusing exclamation points these days.

I am so blessed with so many things.  Not the least of which are some really amazing friends.  I have to share a funny story that happened on Friday. I was at home from work for lunch and Andrew called to ask me to stay because someone was delivering something to the house.  Three of my best friends showed up to 'kidnap me'.  The next thing I know I am in a chair at the tattoo/piercing parlor. I have wanted a nose piercing ever since I was in college.  The college I went to did not allow it and I had a string of jobs after college that did not either.  I was recently telling them how I wished that I had done that.  They decided that Friday was the day.  I love them for that!

That same evening I got to go to dinner with some additional favorites and had a great time. 

These women and their husbands have been so meaningful to Andrew and I the past several years. If you know us or search this blog you can see that before my post on liver cancer a few weeks ago it had been two years since the last blog post.  That is because my heart has been infected with a different kind of disease.  

Our journey to Sierra Leone was an odd one.  In our first years of marriage we never thought about or planned to be missionaries.  I simply had a heart for adoption which eventually lead to our desire to do orphan care and then missions. 

The idea of adoption began with me when I was in college and grew into a desire to adopt a sibling group. We know some really amazing people who opened a center in Sierra Leone and they were looking for sponsors and had sent out photos of kids who needed it.  While looking through the photos Andrew came across a sibling group of three kids.  He says he just looked at their faces and knew that they were the ones we were supposed to adopt.  That was a 6 (almost 7) year journey of ups and downs, always thinking that maybe once we made it through x hurdle that we would be able to bring them home and constantly being disappointed. Moving to Sierra Leone to help facilitate the center was a totally separate decision but while we were there we made the decision to foster these three kids.  That would open 3 beds at the center and allow our family to bond in the meantime.  After a year and a half of them living with us, and 5 years of saying yes to the adoption, the mother backed out unexpectedly.  Memories of my children sobbing in the floor, the kids packed up and driving out the gate, and stories from the center about how they would just sit and cry for hours created in me some very dark days.  There were days that I too laid in bed for hours crying bitterly.  I have a hard time typing it without tearing up even now.  

In my grief I began to question the one I had trusted would make this happen for me.  I just knew that God would grant me this desire of my heart because surely it was a noble request.  I couldn't imagine why he wouldn't.   In hind site, it was the beginning of thinking I knew more than he did.  I put myself in a 'time out' corner and sat in the dark for 2 years.  During this time Satan wasted no time whispering lies to me.  If you asked me during that time where my loyalties lied I would have said with Jesus Christ and I had no intentions of swapping sides.  But that serpent of old is very crafty and can settle for that.  He just kept whispering things to keep me in my corner glaring.  This is how sin began to grow roots in my heart.   I, just like the Israelites in the David and Goliath story I referenced in my previous blog, had seen many amazing things that God had done.  For us it was in Sierra Leone and following up to it. Andrew and I stood in amazement many times at what were miraculous and mysterious stories that unfolded right in front of us. Some of them are told in this very blog.  If you have read 'The fast fast' I would like to say that to this day Ivey has never had another staff infection and has minimal issues with eczema.  That can only be attributed to God himself since we had tried everything else under the sun for a year and a half.  However, just like the Israelites, I ran. I would not read or pray.  I just sat in my dark corner and did a lot of complaining and crying to the ladies in the photos above.  They and their husbands loved us anyway.  They prayed for our family many many times. If I were them I would have gotten so tired of me.  But they held strong.  They were there day in and day out- listening, empathizing and praying.  They epitomize the church.  They exemplify Christ and I thank him every day for the blessing of knowing them.

I have been saying for a long time now that I know it is time to buckle down and repent for my doubt in God's faithfulness, for my doubt of how much he loved me or my children, for shutting him out when I should have been digging in to know him better.  I am not angry anymore.  When I found out that I had cancer I knew that it was time to leave my corner and uproot the lies whispered and remember all the miracles that I had seen with my own eyes.  I could not stand up before I bowed down.  I asked forgiveness for these things flat out on the floor of our bedroom and decided that no matter what the end was, I would be at peace with that because I trust that Jesus has a plan.  I may not play the role I want, but I will submit to it.   I felt that it was important to say these things since there was a 2 year gap of ugly that most of you haven't seen in me.  This is my confession to anyone who reads this blog.   I was not born believing or having great faith.  Whatever amount of faith I have now is only from years of development and struggle.  Romans 5:4 says this: 'we rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.'

Whatever God has in store for me, I know from personal experience that it is easier to bear whatever yoke God gives than to be in the best of situations defying Him. 

28 Come unto me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and you shall find rest in your souls.

30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Matthew 11

Terminal

If you have ever seen the movie, Lemmony Snickets 'A Series of Unfortunate Events' you will remember that the movie starts with an elf scene and jolly music but very quickly Mr. Snicket lets you know that if that was the movie you were looking for you are in the wrong theater.   I feel the need to let you know before you read too far that this too, is not jolly.  Unfortunately, this post is a bit morbid.  

Andrew and I had our follow up visit with the oncologist today.  

I have to say, I was not expecting what he said.  Yesterday, a community of oncology surgeons,  oncology radiologist, and specialized(for liver, gallbladder, etc) oncologist reviewed my case to decide what exact type of cancer I have and what possible treatments are. I expected that the verdict would be the same as last week.  I thought he would suggest I take chemo to shrink the cancer, then surgery to remove the remaining. However, these are the facts;

1.  Chemo only has a 30-40% chance of shrinking my cancer.  It is currently covering every section of my liver. It has spread to some lymph nodes in my abdomen and some small areas in my lungs.  This is bad news because it is hard to get rid of this much cancer with chemo and difficult to biopsy some of the lymph nodes.

2.  If I did make it past step one, I would then have the hurdle of the operation.  Each of the surgeons on the panel were against it because of the amount of cancer that is there in multiple places and the statistics of it coming back.  

If they did operate and cut the remaining infected sections cut out, I would most likely be very sick and tired for at least a month while I recuperated and my liver regenerated and even then it is possible for the cancer to come back.

If they did operate, but did a liver transplant, it is possible that the new one would be rejected by my body.

3.  This is considered terminal cancer because even if all the stars aligned and I made it through step one and two- the statistics for surviving this route is approximately 5-10%.  

Our doctor has had a total of two patients ever make it to the 5-10% and both of them had a reoccurrence of cancer within a fairly short time.  For one it has been 6 months since her second surgery, and the other has passed away.

4. The average life expectancy for someone in this predicament, according to modern medicine, is approximately 6 months to 1 year. 

I have not swayed from my last blog post but I am going to stick to the facts today and I just want to ask again that anyone who is willing will pray that I would be healed.  We are in a situation where it will require a miracle of God.  I believe that Jesus Christ has all authority under heaven and the ability to heal me.  Please pray that he will. I have not decided on a day to fast yet but will post more on that as soon as I decide. 

Thank you all so much for such kind words and sweet messages.  We have been so amazed by the outpouring of love towards our family.  We have an army of friends and family doing our laundry, mowing our yard, bringing us dinners, offering all kinds of sweet things.  When we moved here 10 years ago one of our deepest prayers was that God would bless us with good friends and he definitely answered that.  Here is to hoping he will answer again just as abundantly. 

I have Cancer-I get to say what I want.

Today has been a wild day for me.  I did not sleep well and woke up feeling very uncomfortable.  I had to go to the doctor's office to do lab work and by the time I got there I had thrown up several times.  I proved it in the waiting room.  I am pretty sure that did not lighten the mood for all the chemo patients. That is my excuse for the delay in posting this update.

In times like this I can't help but to relate to biblical stories the experiences that we have.  I think God really does give us stories and examples that relate to current situations.  This morning I began the update and included a reference to my favorite Bible story.  I think technically to be a good Christian it is suppose to be either the Christmas or Easter story but it is not.  It is the story of David and Goliath. I have yet to repent for that.  However, I didn't want to be too hokie or get 'to religious' on people so I second guessed it this morning and sat the computer aside to go vomit.  Fast forward about 3-4 hours and I was in bad shape at the doctors office.  I was dehydrated so they could not find a vein to put the IV in so that I could get some nausea medicine and fluids.  Three veins collapsed, I was about to faint, one nurse had my face in her hands and kept saying, 'Heather, stay with me, come back' and Andrew looked terrified.  In the middle of all that, suddenly a third nurse came in the room exclaiming, 'Hey! How we doing today?!?' in the sweetest way.  On her scrubs were all these yellow chicks and little quotes like 'chicks rule' and 'chicks are cool' and randomly 'david and goliath'.  All I could focus on in that several second moment were the words david and goliath. She left the room just as suddenly as she came and I really thought I must have hallucinated or made that up.  So after everything settled down I asked the main nurse if that was real.  They sent the lady in and we told her just what I have said here on this blog and she agreed to allow Andrew to take a photo of her shirt so I have proof I didn't make this up.  I take that as a sign that it was meant for me to relate this to David and Goliath.  Plus I have Cancer now so I am pretty sure you get a pass for everything.  Whatever you want, you can just say -sorry people, Cancer, shrug your shoulders. Am I right?

And now for building of a giant:

We met with the oncologist yesterday.  I really must say we have an exceptional doctor.  He spent two hours with us going over a vast amount of information.  We so appreciated the patience he exhibited in relaying all of this.
When people hear cancer I think most of us would associate it most closely with death.  There are so many variables.  The last few days I have been focusing on collecting enough information to choose my treatment. It seems a little impossible and overwhelming because there is so much to think through!

There are still some questions as to what exactly the origin is and how this cancer is spreading.

We are going to do a 3 phase CT scan on Friday evening.  This one will be slightly different than the first and will provide a clearer photo of the areas that are harder to see or biopsy.  We will also have an MRI done to make sure that there is nothing in my head.  I am pretty sure Andrew would verify that there is not.

The Dr. will take that scan before a conference of some of the nations leading cancer doctors and liver surgeons on Tuesday for them all to evaluate.

The Dr. thinks it is stage 4.  His recommendation based on what he knows right now is that I take chemo to hopefully shrink the areas of cancer.  The likelihood of it being effective is about 50%.   If the cancer were not responsive to chemo, the average life expectancy would be approximately 4 months to 2 years.  However, all things are relative and it is rare for someone my age to have this issue so the statistics could be somewhat different for me.
If the cancer is responsive to it and it shrank to a size the surgeons would agree to operate, then we would remove the areas of cancer through surgery.  I would go on to live life with a funky looking liver and a scar the size of the great state of California. The Giant appears larger with each step.

He spoke with us about other clinics where we could get second opinions.  We are looking into other options as well.  We want to make an informed decision and while chemo/surgery is currently the frontrunner option, we are still checking out the options.


The Phillistines were some Bad A people.  They came out against the army of the Isrealites for 40 days.  Each army on a designated hill for a showdown.  As if that wasn't enough, they had a certain seasoned warrior that was around 11 feet tall who was equipped with the best weapons and to top it off he had a shield bearer who would walk before him so that he could be protected from you while he attacked.
Each day that massive man would walk to the front of the Philistine line and look out across the valley to the Israelites and shout for someone, anyone, to fight him.
I have often wondered what this must have looked like.  Did the Israelites just start looking around at each other, and run?  Did they just stare in disbelief? How did this end every day these 40 times?  How embarrassing!
I do believe God allowed those forty days because he was building up the giant.  He was showing what seemed to be an impossibility and bringing to light the disbelief of his people.  He had shown himself to fight impossible battles plenty of times at this point and the fact that the Israelites army had no courage or belief is such a load of bull.  But don't we all do that constantly?

In the background there is another story unfolding.  A man named Jessie had 8 sons.  Three were there on the hill with the Israelite army.  One, the youngest, was a sheep herder and was busy fighting lions and bears to save the sheep.  Jessie asks him to go and take food to the brothers on the battle field.  When he got there he heard the armies lining up and the giant come forward to make his daily speech about sending a champion to fight him.  David was appalled at this and then he volunteered.  His brothers were furious with him.  They thought he was just being conceited.

But the thing I love about David and that I would love to implement in my life is that he wasn't volunteering because he had assessed the giant and himself to see who was stronger.  He didn't stand around thinking about the statistics and likelihood of scars or wounds or even death.  He knew God.  That was all that mattered.  God is absolutely stronger and more powerful that giants and cancer.

I am never going to be able to paraphrase the best part so I just attached it here.

2 Samuel 17

 40 Then he took his staff in his hand, chose five smooth stones from the stream, put them in the pouch of his shepherd’s bag and, with his sling in his hand, approached the Philistine.

41 Meanwhile, the Philistine, with his shield bearer in front of him, kept coming closer to David. 42 He looked David over and saw that he was little more than a boy, glowing with health and handsome looks, and he despised him. 43 He said to David, “Am I a dog, that you come at me with sticks?” And the Philistine cursed David by his gods. 44 “Come here,” he said, “and I’ll give your flesh to the birds and the wild animals!”

45 David said to the Philistine, “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. 46 This day the Lord will deliver you into my hands, and I’ll strike you down and cut off your head. This very day I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds and the wild animals, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. 47 All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give all of you into our hands.”

48 As the Philistine moved closer to attack him, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet him. 49 Reaching into his bag and taking out a stone, he slung it and struck the Philistine on the forehead. The stone sank into his forehead, and he fell facedown on the ground.

50 So David triumphed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone; without a sword in his hand he struck down the Philistine and killed him.

ISN'T THAT SO FANTASTIC!!!
One stone! He didn't even need the other four.

I would like to be like David with such belief that a miracle can be accomplished through this situation.  I may have to wait out a 40 day wait period of God building a giant so that it is very obvious that it is in fact Him who saves me.  At some point I have not decided yet, I will ask that everyone who knows and is willing, will fast.  On that day, we will see what the Lord will do.  When we come against this in the name of the Lord Almighty, I pray for there to be a moment where 'the whole world will know that there is a God in Isreal who saves'.

With Gusto

There are many thoughts flooding my mind at the writing of this post.
I have some news that I wanted to share in a mass way but feel that it is so impersonal not to tell people face to face.  I also think something is missed in the emotion of the person when reading words and not facial expressions, body language, and tone.  I will do my best to choose the right words to relay the reality of what I am experiencing and please forgive me that it could not be more personal.
I haven't been feeling well for around 6 weeks now. I have been feeling a lot of nausea and fatigue.  I would come home from work and be so exhausted that I would lay down at 7:30.  Of course, the first thing everyone thinks is that it is pregnancy. It was not.  On July 4th I woke up feeling sore in my rib cage but we had plans to go canoeing with the kids, which we did.  Throughout the day the area right below my diaphragm kept feeling more and more sore to the point where it was hard to breath and I ended up going to the ER.
Once we arrived they gave me some pain medication, did an ultrasound which showed nothing and then did a CT scan which showed something.  Dark spots.  The ER doctor came in and read from a sheet of paper that it lined up with cancer and they sent me to the oncology floor.  I didn't believe that because we had done no tests for cancer and in the words of the ER Dr. himself 'they have to assume the worst'.  After speaking to the oncologist the decision was that we would do a liver biopsy to see what was causing the pain and see what these dark spots were.  I was able to go home to wait out the results of the biopsy.
The next week was better.  I was able to work most of the week and went to several appointments to check out the other dark spots.  All the results came back that I was ok.  I was sure that I just had an infection.  I did not.  I do in fact have the dreaded C word.

PLEASE HEAR ME SAY THIS(envision me speaking with gusto):

This is not a death sentence.
Cancer does not get to dictate when I die.  Only God himself gets to decide the day I came and the day I will go.
I could die in a car accident today.
I could die in a year from liver cancer.
I could die in 45 years of old age in my sleep.
No one knows but God himself.  I am at peace with this.

Andrew and I spent yesterday afternoon and evening relaying this news to our children, extended family and a few friends.  We go today to visit the oncologist and learn more about what I have and what the options for treatment are.

So many really wonderful people have asked how they could help.  Right now there really isn't anything we physically need.  There will be a time when I think especially Andrew will have physical needs as he will probably have to manage more than ever before while I am not well.  

But for today what we need the most are PRAYERS.  

There are 2 different stories in the Bible about two different kings.  One is King Asa.  He lived a great life but turned away from seeking God his last few years.  He ended up with an ailment in his feet and because he sought the help of people before God, King Asa died within three years (2 Chronicals, Chapter 16). The second is King Hezekiah.  He too had lived a great life and after many years of serving the Lord well was visited by the prophet Isaiah who told him to put his house in order because he was his time to die.  Hezekiah wept bitterly and asked the Lord to give him more time here on Earth.  Before Isaiah had left the courtyard of King Hezekiah's palace the word of the Lord came to him and said to go back.  He was to tell Hezekiah that he would live an extra 15 years- just because he requested it (2Kings, Chapter 20). 

PLEASE HEAR ME SAY THIS(more gusto):

I want you to pray that I would not die yet.   I would really like at least 15 years. But understand that the only reason I want to stay here on earth is because I love my children and my husband and I do not want them to be without a mother or wife. 

This earth is full of things that reflect the glory of God.  I have traveled to many places on several continents and have seen some of the most beautiful things in this world.  Varieties of plants, foods, animals, and people all attest to glory of God.  However, it is also a very broken place.  Those same travels have brought to light some of the darkest, saddest things on earth.  People have harmed the most innocent and vulnerable people in many ways.  People have created very dark and troubling religions.  There are bombs, shootings, drugs, sexual depravity, and all kinds of evil everywhere.  People have really wrecked this glorious place.  So, because I believe that there is a better place for me after this that people have not wrecked, I am ready to go.  I only delay out the love I have for people here.  Please pray that I will have more years. 

Lastly, I have a second request.  Please do not ask our kids about this.  We have told them what they need to know and I want this to be as easy for them as possible.  Even if well meaning, if person after person sadly ask them how they are doing it would be easy for them to be sad. We don't want that.  We want them to live their normal lives without fear of what the next day brings. 

To Albert

In Sierra Leone the adoption rules are that once a child turns 16 that they are no longer eligible for adoption.  Albert's current birth certificate says that his 16th birthday occurred in January of 2014.
He has 'timed out'.  Our race against an ever changing clock has finished.
We have discussed between ourselves and with our children that if we adopted that we would have kept their origional names.  However, if we had have decided differently I know what I would have renamed Albert and this is dedicated to him:

I would have named you Moses

(the story of Moses begins in the book of Exodus)

You were the son of a people in need.  In my wealth I walked like pharaoh's daughter without experiencing the sorrows you knew.  But one day I saw your distress and I sought to help you.  You came and lived a short part of your life in our home.  A palace that was never meant to hold you.  You were meant for greater things beyond these walls.  I believe that God gave you an experience with us for a yet-to-be-seen reason.  I believe you-like Moses- will walk with God and share a role in the salvation of many. I believe you will be a leader.  The leader of an exodus.  The exodus of the bondage that Satan has so long held over your people.  It may take many miracles and there will be days that you come back to God with more questions than answers.  At the time that Moses questions God in Exodus 5:22 he had already seen God appear in a burning bush, turn his hand leprous and then back to normal, and turn a staff into a serpent.  We all tend to forget about the amazing things that God has done during a time that is difficult.  But don't forget the miracles that God has already done in your life.   You have defied sickness, you have gone further in your education than most people in your country, you have been blessed to have several men of God as leaders around you to learn from, you have 100's of brothers and sisters, and you have lived in a family with Americans.  Americans who loved you deeply and wanted to keep you to themselves.  As you walk through the waters that God will part for you, please don't forget your time at the 'palace'.  Follow the ways that God has written out for you and you will be blessed.  Love God first and people second.  Serve widows, orphans, and strangers because that is the purest form of religion.
We will continue to pray earnestly for your future and for your strength to carry out God's will for your life no matter where that takes you.  We will be there for you when you need us because we love you dearly.

And while I would have named you Moses if we had have decided to change your name, for now you are stuck with me calling you ALBERTO in a loud weird voice.  It means noble and bright which I find just as applicable to who you are.  Until we meet again my son, until we meet again.

WHEN THE DOG BITES

Last year I randomly found a song on Itunes that I decided to download.  It is a techno version of 'My Favorite Things' and I LOVE it.  I think it is meant to be a Christmas time song but who cares about that?  I listen to it regularly.  Yesterday Ivey was upset about something so I taught her some of the words to the song.
When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I think of a few of my favorite things
and then I don't feeeeeeeeel sooo bad...

That has to be the anthom for this month of our lives.  Ivey really did get bit by a dog today.  It didn't break the skin and she is fine but I had to laugh at the timing and we just sang the song together.

Tonight we took Albert to celebrate his ever changing birthday.  Who knows when it really is but the 'official' date for now is January.  We won't be here then so we celebrated now.  In case you didn't know it -I love Albert.  He is a joy to me.

Last night our family got to do one of my favorite things since we've been here.  TRS opened it's doors four years ago and we watched as each child entered the center.  Andrew was on the very first team that arrived to visit TRS at it's first facility and I was on the second.  We have both been on two other trips besides that before moving here.  So we have watched these kids grow up for the last four years of their lives.  I came across some albums of those trips and decided that we had to have a night where we went up there with our projector and flipped through all the photo's with the kids.  It was so awesome.  In unison they would all say 'eeeeeeehhhhh' to each photo.  All 100 (babies were in bed) kids and aunties would all laugh at the funny faces and hook a photographie's neck with their arm commenting on how small they were.   I loved how they stayed quiet on some.  Like the photo of a team visiting Auntie Geraldine in the hospital after she was hit by a car and one of the Aunties who passed away a few years ago. There were some intake photo's where a child is being brought to the center from another orphanage where a current resident of the center had also lived in the past.  When she saw him, because she knew what he had just been rescued from, she swooped him up in her arms and held his head to hers and sobbed.  The photo is so sweet.  The kids were so excited recounting visits from aunties and uncles over the last few years.  They shouted the names of each, 'eeeeeehhhhh Auntie Carrie', 'eeeeeeeeehhhhh Auntie Jessie',  'eeeeeeeeehhhhhhh Uncle Mark'.    Baptisms, dinners, parties, beach days, school days, life, family.  And I am so blessed that God has given us this time here.  I have a love deep in my heart for the children of the Covering.  They are so special to me.  It stings deeply to leave these people and we feel sad.
Our time here was supposed to be for 2 years which would have meant staying until January 18th.  Since TRS office hours slow down  quite a bit through the Christmas holiday we decided that we would go ahead and move before Christmas so that we could catch up with our families in the US while everyone was together for holidays.  So we booked flights for Dec.  11th.  However,  two weeks ago I broke a tooth and now we have changed the flights to November the 8th.  That means we will arrive in the US in just 4 days- this Saturday.
It is difficult to describe ourselves right now.  We are tired, we are sad, we are a little nervous, we are so many things.    But, when the dog bites, when the bee stings, when we feel so sad.  We think of a few of our favorite things and then we don't feel so bad.
We look forward to seeing our family.  There have been two additions to it since we left and we are VERY excited to meet them.  We look forward to seeing the AMAZING friends we have and thanking them continually for all the AMAZING things they have done for us.  We really are such a blessed family.
We wanted to make it known that we will probably not be 'ourselves' for a while as we re-adjust back to American culture.  It will be quite the adjustment-especially since we are coming back during the peak commercial/holiday season of the year.  We may find ourselves hermiting if we feel overwhelmed but please understand that it is not at all personal.  We are very excited to see everyone.  We just need some time and space to adjust.  We have been the center of attention for 2 years and we are very ready to not be in the lime light for an undecided amount of time.   Our family will need some time to recoup from some stresses that we have faced here in SL but hope to be back to normal soon.  We are mourning the loss of our adoption and are heartbroken over the lack of three people accompanying us home.  That will also play a role in our reactions to some things when we get back.  Just please do not take any strange behavior personally.  Please do not mistake a need for space as a lack of desire to see you if we are elusive for a while.  
On that note.  At TRS each child is financially funded by sponsors.  The money that is given covers their food, school, medical needs, clothing, personal items, housing, staff at the center, etc.  Each childs sponsorship is broken down into different allotments for different area's but the total is approximately $350-400 per child per month.  Andrew and I have covered what our kids needed through December but after that it will not be possible for us to cover their entire sponsorships permanently.  We will sponsor each of them partially and they have some other sponsors lined up but there is still a need for sponsors to cover them fully.  So, as much as it pains me to type the words...if you would be interested in sponsoring John, Isatu, or Albert (three of the best kids in the whole wide world) you can go here to find out how to do that:

sponsorship@therainingseason.org


Thank you, Thank you, and Thank you again to all of you who have been a source of encouragement and help to us during our stay here.  We appreciate you so much more than you know.  There was not a day that we had a need that was not met quickly and generously.  We have been so amazed at the outpouring of love towards us.  Thank you again.

And now for some photo's.

Family celebrates Albert's birthday

Ice cream becoming a milkshake.

Latest funny label.  Hmmmm so sweet.

TRS watching a photo slideshow from the last 4 years.

This one is so funny to me.  This is our mechanic who came over to do some work on our generator.  While he was waiting Ivey decided to tell him a not-so-few things.  Here is the first shot;

And....20 minutes later;

Is this not priceless!

About my marriage to Andrew

This is a photo of Andrew and me in 2001.

We lived at one of our universities' satellite locations in Florence, Italy and this was one of his attempts at pursuing me.  I don't remember who was taking this photo because I was too busy trying to figure out what it was going to take to get him to go away.  I knew good and well he really liked someone else back home and I wasn't about to be the 'other' girl.  I did, however, give in once and go to a little grocery store in Scandicci with him.  He bought me a Ritter bar that was delicious.  Four years later I was signing papers and promising my life.  I have a chocolate Achilles heal I guess. 

Actually, when the semester was over we almost never saw each other for two years and then kind of out of nowhere he resurfaced back and stronger than ever.  The pursuit began again and I just wasn't prepared for the strength and tenacity which was Andrew Sisco.  Those very strengths it took to gain his wife would be exactly the ones it would take to keep his wife.  I am not the easiest person to live with.  I am really quite difficult.  You may not know that I am one of those people that has a certain way that they like to do things and only that way will do.  But I am, and that is annoying for others.  You may not know that I like it to be 80 degrees fahrenheit at all times and that Andrew likes for it to be 60 or that I am quite the talkative night owl and Andrew is a singing morning person.  We almost got in a fist fight the first time he woke me up by singing in my face.  We really did get in miniature fights the many times in the first year that he jumped out at me from some hidden location.  I am not a runner/shrinker so I am by default a striker/fighter.  You can only be one or the other.  He would jump out and I would shout and strike.  Then there would have to be a few extra blows, once I realized it wasn't the latest Memphian burglar, to let him know not to do it again.  He'd laugh and go find his next assault location.  There have been many a messed up dinner as I learned to cook.  He was patient with that.  There have been many a time when I have glance over at a certain socket/wrench set that has NEVER been opened that Andrew swore he needed but I was patient with that (He will scoff at that comment but he uses the term 'nagging' to loosely).  Really though he is so super patient and that has certainly served him will in dealing with me.  Marriage is just so hard.  You have to be forgiving of so many things.  You have to overlook the daily irritations and upsets as well as the sky high expectations that you start to realize won't be met.  You have to learn that love is not a feeling but an action. The fact that he is kind and calm when I am not gives me reason to be thankful for him.  I am learning to curb what is an unfortunate temperament.  I have, on several occasions, referenced Johnny Depp's interpretation of the mad hatter in the movie Alice in Wonderand when describing my own little freak outs.  I know that all wives of the world will be shocked but as wonderful as he is, I find some of Andrew's ways difficult to handle with a kind, respectful tone. I am coming to believe that God may give you not what is easy but instead what you need to refine you.  Andrew does that for me and I mean that in the best of ways.  

We have had many an adventure together.  

He makes me laugh all the time. It's one of my favorite qualities about him- unless it happens to be in the middle of an argument.  That happened two weeks ago and I threw a loaf of bread. 

He was right there by my side dry heaving and grinning ear to ear at the birth of our first child.  And again with our second(which means even more since he knew what he was getting into). 

We have relocated cities and we have moved to the African continent.  

We have attempted to adopt 3 more children. 

I have seen him go without lights and water for weeks.  I have seen his response to starving people. I have seen him deal with people whom we have never met before at our gate asking that we take their children because they cannot afford them while the child looks on wondering about their fate.  Of our personalities he is the slow and steady type and I am the flash-decision dominate type.  Sometimes people mistakenly think that men have to be dominate type A personalities to lead a family well.  But make no mistake that I respect who he is.  Even when I give him the hardest of times I really do appreciate his wisdom and slowness to action.  He is well thought out.  More importantly he loves people.  

When our plumber found out we were moving he just kept saying over and over to Andrew, "oh Mr. Andrew, I am gonna miss you, I am going to miss you."  and then he followed it up with a question and an answer, "You know why?  Because you love mortal man.  And I am going to miss you!"

When the subject of Andrew came up recently one of the teachers at the center immediately commented, "Oh he loves people.  He loves the kids and all mortal man."  I agreed. 

I have heard it several times from several people.  He is a gentle person.  But make no mistake that that means weak.  He has a plethora of strength and endurance.  I have only seen him get angry 3 times ever.  Two of the three times it has been at injustices to those in need.  I would not have wanted to be in his way on those occasions.   

He is probably still going to hang his sweaty shirts on the closet door even though he has agreed not to.  He will probably leave one of the measuring spoons in the red pepper dish and I will probably know to look there now.  He is likely to keep on smiling in my face and call me sleepyhead first thing in the morning.  It is likely to still make me mad.  It is unlikely that he will ever empty his pocket before putting his pants in the wash and his hearing is never going to get better so long as I use certain tones. But he also makes me egg sandwiches, complements me regularly, fills the generator with gas before he leaves every morning, chauffeurs me around where ever I need to go, reminds me to drink water, and supports our family. 

I walked down the aisle to a song Josh Groban and Charlotte Church sing so beautifully called 'The Prayer' and it still applies;

  

I pray you'll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don't know

Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your Grace
To a place where we'll be safe
La luce che tu dai

I pray we'll find your light
Nel cuore restera
And hold it in our hearts
A ricordarci che
When stars go out each night
L'eterna stella sei
Nella mia preghiera
Let this be our prayer
Quanta fede c'e
When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace 

Give us faith so we'll be safe. 
Sogniamo un mondo senza piu violenza 

Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza
Ognuno dia la mano al suo vicino
Simbolo di pace e di fraternita

La forza che ci dai
We ask that life be kind
E'il desiderio che
And watch us from above
Ognuno trovi amore
We hope each soul will find
Intorno e dentro a se
Another soul to love

Let this be our prayer
Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Just like every child

Needs to find a place,
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

 

 Mr. Sisco, I am dedicating this blog to you to say publicly(which I am usually very much NOT apt to do) that I appreciate you pursuing me then and now, I like living this life with you most of the time, I respect your leadership of our family, and I love your heart for people and God.  While it may take all the strength I've got, I will do my best to follow you to the ends of the earth, so long as you choose to lead me Sir.  I hope that when I am 80+ I get to sit on my front porch somewhere and eat a Ritter bar with you.